Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
