just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
