i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
