just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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