i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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