I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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