Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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