Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
