literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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