ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
