We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
there is puke in my bra ... again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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