why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
