she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
