Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So squirting runs in the family.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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