watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
