the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
