She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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