I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
