Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
