I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
