I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
