my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
