I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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