U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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