I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
