he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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