Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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