Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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