she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
