you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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