You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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