Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
