Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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