I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
