u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
