we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize