How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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