Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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