Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize