Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
