All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize