yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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