so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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