one two three fourrrrnication!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
