Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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