walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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