I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
