I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
