Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
