So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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