he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
