They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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