she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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