So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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