This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
