Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
