u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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