I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Couch. On fire.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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