4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
