my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
