omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
