whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
