she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
