Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
