Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
