Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize