not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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