My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
