She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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