Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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