that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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