I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
