I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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