I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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