I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
