I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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