haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
