you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize