my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
