I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
