you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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