ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
