I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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