Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
