You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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