He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
