ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
