Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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