Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
