you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
