If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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