My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
