I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize