3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
