She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
