Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
