I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
