i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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