When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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