Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
