Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
