She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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