I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
