Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
