What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
